The Gold Card

There’s no use crying over spilled milk, but what about coffee?

When someone recently broke into Chad Ochocinco’s Escalade, the NFL star’s wallet and iPod were taken. But that was nothing compared with the theft of the wide receiver’s Starbucks Gold Card. (Card-bearers receive a star after every visit. Rack up 30 stars in a year and you qualify for Gold status—that includes all the benefits of Green level drinkers—e.g., no charge for soy substitution!—as well as a personalized membership card and special promos.) That must be one handsome-looking card because it almost brought tears to Ochocinco’s eyes.

As he explained in this video,

What I’m pissed about is these motherfuckers took my Starbucks card. Not just any Starbucks card. I earned the Gold Card. You know how many coffees I’ve had to drink and lemon loafs I’ve had to purchase to get to that Gold Card? Like, I had $220 left on my Starbucks card—not just any Starbucks card, but a Gold Starbucks Card, and … that’s fucked up. Like, that’s really fucked up.

Fortunately, his wallet was later recovered but the Starbucks card was missing. The company, however, sent a replacement card, so Chad can continue getting those lemon loafs.

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