It’s amazing how much people are willing to share about themselves. In the Wall Street Journal (2.4 million print and digital subscribers), here’s what Chris and Afton Mower were willing to confide:
Chris Mower and his high-school sweetheart, Afton, were happy newlyweds. They picnicked in the park, hung out with friends, even took dancing lessons.
Yet before half a year had passed, Mr. Mower developed a rather significant concern: They weren’t having enough sex—and the situation was getting worse by the week.
Perhaps they decided to let the world know because (a) their situation could help others and (b) this story has a, well, happy ending. For as it turns out, Chris’s desire for sex was more about emotional energy. As the Journal‘s Elizabeth Bernstein explains,
Increasingly, experts believe sex is a more emotional experience for men than for women. Men tend to express feelings with actions, not words. Unlike a lot of women, they probably don’t have heart-to-heart chats with everyone from their best friend to the bus driver, and they often limit hugs and physical affection to their immediate family.
No wonder they miss sex when it disappears. It’s a way for them to be aggressive and manly but also tender and vulnerable. “For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy,” says Justin Lehmiller, a Harvard University social psychologist who studies sexuality. Taking away sex “takes away their primary emotional outlet.”
Once Afton understood this and read a book entitled Passionate Marriage, the Mowers’ love life improved. So the next time your wife is rebuffing your advances, just tell her you feel like expressing your emotions.
And why did my wife tell me I needed to read this article?