Stiff Penalty

Last week a 32-year-old Arlington man was found guilty of assaulting his roommate and fined $1,250 and restitution (a misdemeanor). Both men had been drinking prior to the incident, but apparently James Watson made the mistake of going to sleep with his shoes on. According to his roommate, this is a house violation that requires ridicule (pranks were common in the house).

As Arlington Now reports, “the victim decided to prank him by drawing a penis on his face with a black dry erase marker, according to Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney Ben Inman, who prosecuted the case.”

Watson awoke and “felt a tingling on his face,” leading him to use a mirror function on his phone. Upon seeing the cartoonish genitalia, Inman said, Watson went upstairs and began repeatedly punching the victim in the face. The victim testified that we awoke to Watson punching him, while Watson argued that a heated verbal argument preceded a physical fight between the two men. The third roommate corroborated the victim’s story, said Inman.

If you click on the link to Arlington Now, you will see Watson’s mugshot and the simplistic-looking penis on his left cheek. While the victim suffered injuries to his face, the perpetrator suffered a weekend’s worth of humiliation at the county jail.

As you might expect, this incident has generated dozens of pun-laden comments and double entendres:

I’m sure if he rubbed harder he could have gotten it off.

If I woke up with a penis on my face I’d have a stroke.

The lesson learned: never violate the penal codes of Virginia.

His friend should’ve seen him coming.

I have them on my face on a nightly basis. I don’t see what the big deal is.

That last comment was posted by someone named “Clarendon Skank.”

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