About That Michael Douglas Thing

The London Guardian‘s interview of Michael Douglas, ostensibly for Behind the Candalabra, resulted in quite a disclosure. It went, shall we say, viral. A guy’s basic instinct was to think, “For thee, but not for me” (I’m guessing—I did not conduct a poll on this). But what most of us omitted was that part of the interview about the cure being the same as the disease. So in the interest of fair and honest journalism:

The throat cancer, I assume, was first seeded during those wild middle years, when he drank like a fish and smoked like the devil. Looking back, knowing what he knows now, does he feel he overloaded his system?

“No,” he says. “No. Because, without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

From what? For a moment I think that I may have misheard.

“From cunnilingus. I mean, I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer.” He shrugs. “And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Right, I say. OK. So what he is suggesting is that it all evens out? “That’s right,” says Douglas. “It giveth and it taketh.”

It’s a mouthful, but I see what he’s saying.

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